


Fix You

by cloudbear



Category: Breaking Bad RPF, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Coldplay, Communism, Espionage, F/F, Forbidden Love, Gratuitous Emojis, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Los Pollos Hermanos, Republican, Scat, Smut, Tragedy, bury your gays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:07:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28118196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudbear/pseuds/cloudbear
Summary: TW: Republicans 🤢Reader meets Kaitlin at a frat party 😏 and cleans her poopy butt after she shits herself in front of everybody 💩😔 She realizes that liberals are human too 😻
Relationships: Jesse Pinkman/Reader, Kaitlin Bennett/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	Fix You

**Author's Note:**

> Plz no hate! <3

You are at the alpha alpha beta catherine zeta peepee delta gamma bingus scrumbo fraternity annual big party. You are wearing your epic pride flag shirt and pride socks and pride birkenstocks and pride eyeshadow. You stick you middle finger up at the frat boys. You notice a girl with a beautiful domical face and zaftig af body. Her wan and anemic complexion, void of melanin, sucks up all the light in the room. Her hair is crispy like silage, looking unctuous and and glistening. It goes down to her ample haunches like a flowing Rapunzel rat's tail. You know the instant you see her that you have to make her yours. You confidently stride up to her and visibly lick your teeth and smirk.  
"Hey mamas," you say.  
"Ew, are you like a communist or something?! What the heck, cringe!" she says, spitting on you. An obviously gay man walks up and puts his arm around her shoulders.  
"Kaitlin, is this weirdo giving you any trouble?"  
"No babe 😛 especially now that you're here" she says, kissing him wetly in front of you.  
You sigh despondently and go to the bathroom, sad that you failed to seduce the beautiful beldam. You decide to get wasted and crunk af. Gasolina by daddy yankee is blasting through the house on a loop. You go cray cray dancing and everyone thinks you're sexy and awesome af. You even catch Kaitlin glancing at you while pretending to be listening to her gay boyfriend. You smirk at her 😏 and she blushes 😳.  
Later on it appears that Kaitlin has shat herself. Everyone has abandoned her in her pile of zoot zoot and she is crying sadly af on the floor. You tenderly and silently help her up and wipe her poopy butt with DUDE Wipes Flushable Wipes Dispenser, Unscented Wet Wipes with Vitamin-E & Aloe for at-Home Use, Septic and Sewer Safe, 48 Count (Pack of 6) (Not sponsored) (AN: Gasolina is still playing at this point)  
"Kaitlin," you say softly, "don't you see that commies are people too?" Tears in her limpid eyes, her rat tail wagging back and forth, she nods.  
"I was wrong about you," she says tender af. "I shouldn't have judged you. if I had known you were going to wipe my poopy butt I wouldn't have spat on you."  
"Would you have shat on me?" you say humorously with a lot of wit. Kaitlin laughs.  
"You're so funny Y/N." You kiss tenderly af.  
"Kaitlin would you like to borrow my copy of the communist manifesto? 😏😜"  
Before Kaitlin can answer, the door creaks open. It's your Ex lover Jesse Pinkman. He sees you two kissing tenderly. "BITCH," he cries, and climbs over the two of you to sit in the bathtub and weep. Walter walks in behind him and sees Jesse in tears.  
"Jesser, where the fukc is my methamphetamine," he says softly, helping Jesse out of the bathtub.  
"mista white.... how could she do this to me? youre the only one who has been with me through it all.... mista white......."  
Walter holds him tenderly af as Jesse cries in his arms.  
Feeling like you are interrupting a moment, you leave the bathroom to stand at the top of the stairs and address the partygoers.  
"I see all this potential, and I see it squandered," you say. "God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables - slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our great war is a spiritual war... Our great depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars, but we won't. We're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off."  
Everybody claps. *Ella le gusta la gasolina, dame más gasolina* Daddy Yankee sings in the background.  
Of course this forbidden romance between you two star-crossed lovers could not end happily. You and Kaitlin decide to go on a romantic cruise on a boat called the titanic. Little did you know it would crash into an iceberg and Kaitlin wouldn't get on the life boat because she doesn't believe in ice bergs, or the ocean, or life boats. (AN: Gasolina is still playing at this point)  
Though you were willing to stay on the boat with kaitlin, a hooded figure says "Come with me" and pulls you into the lifeboat. You reach for Kaitlin but he slaps your hand and obscures her from your vision. A single tare rolls down your cheek as you look at your lover and you reflect on how far you have come. You didn't get her to read the communist manifesto but she did at least start saying global warming was "overexaggerated" instaed of just "fake." The lifeboat bobs away as you watch the titanic sink further and further underwater into the dark depths of the ocean, and you silently accept that you will never see the love of your life ever again. The hooded man reveals himself to be none other than ...  
Gustavo Fring!  
He planted a bomb on the Titanic to make it sink. It wasn't an iceberg because there actually are none anymore. (AN: Gasolina is still playing at this point)  
"You silly little [your gender]. You really thought you could change her? It disgusts me how you betrayed Jesse. Now thank me and shake my hand." You shake his hand and tearfully af continue with your life. You will never forget the fascist who changed your life, Kaitlin. RIP Poopy Butt 😢 


End file.
